my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How external is "for external use only"?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
