Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
