my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
