Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
