Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
