just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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