She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
