farters have to be the big spoon...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
