I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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