yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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