You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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