Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
