Im at strip club and am horny
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
