We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
