So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
