I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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