Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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