have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
