I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
