Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
