dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
