onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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