I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
