Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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