question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
