if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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