We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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