You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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