pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize