Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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