Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
my liver is dry heaving
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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