What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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