Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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