I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
