i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
