Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
