I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
