I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So many bounce houses so little time
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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