you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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