Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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