Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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