found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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