she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
