3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
