can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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