Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
