why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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