when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
