i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
