I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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