You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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