i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
