More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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