Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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