Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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