i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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