Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
