so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
