her facebook's as public as her vagina
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize