I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
