I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
