I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
