Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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