if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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