Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
