Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
