I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
